Let's see here. It started, I suppose, around 2000 hours, in the lobby of the First Presleyterian Church , near the shrine of Priscilla, Our Lady of Christ Elvis. The Presleyterians are good people, good Christian soldiers, and I just want it to be made clear that, though I am an Orthodox Catholic, these days I sure feel like a Protestant. The Church has strayed. The way those priests got caught touching children, that was a real disgrace. It seems to me that Born Again Christians are more in touch with the Lord these days, and definitely more in touch with children, which I can attest to based on the many home schoolers I have met, and the many children who have been a part of my Youth Ministry.
Anyway, where was I? I had my table set up near the shrine of Priscilla, in the church lobby, which in all honesty was in fact an adult videostore. Christ preached to beggars and prostitutes, so I don't see why I shouldn't follow His example. After all, even Elvis often performed in dive bars and low-class neighborhoods, before He became the King. I'm losing my train of thought here.
The important thing to bear in mind is that I am not a racist.
I don't know how many times I have to repeat myself, but here I go again. Some people just don't get it. They have brains made of mush. I do not discriminate based on skin color. I love all colors. I do admit a preference for yellow and red skin, because of my strong spiritual bond with the Korean and Native American peoples, but I have nothing against black skin. It is only those with black hearts that I discriminate! Like the Jews, for example. There's nothing racist about that.
Anyway, I was just discussing George Washington Carver at around 2000 hours yesterday evening, primarily discussing how the government had him killed because they were afraid he would learn too much about the peanut. This is the sad, untold story of Black History. Bob Lazar once spoke about it on the Art Bell radio program. Element 115 is synthesized by placing peanut shells inside a nuclear reactor, and this mysterious element fuels the "flying saucers" stored at Area 51. This is why it's so disturbing that Saddam Hussein was developing a nuclear program in addition to the infamous peanut farming operation and related programs, and that is why President Bush 43 made exactly the right decision in deposing that evil tyrant; but try telling that to Liberals! They've got their heads in the sand! They're completely incapable of reason.
Some radical instigators had infiltrated my book signing slash lecture, and they caused me all kinds of trouble. They kept asking tricky questions, trying to trick me into saying the wrong thing (like something about the Jews for example), so they could have me arrested. Well, as ashamed as I am to admit it, they did trick me into making a few politically incorrect statements, and the Thought Police were right there to witness the whole sad fiasco.
In the back row stood a gangly man in oversize hornrim glasses, a striped wool muffler, and a taboggan. He was a wiley and nefarious character if I ever seen one. He kept asking follow-up questions, and tricked me into discussing further on Black History.
Well, it was a mistake, I know, but I told him exactly how I feel about Kwanza. You see, Kwanza is not a real holiday. It's like Canadian Boxing Day. The same liberals behind the gay agenda invented Kwanza in 1966. It is certainly no substitute for Christmas.
"Liberals just don't think these things out clearly," I said. "If they really wanted Kwanza to be like Christmas, they would have a mascot for the holiday. Like Santa Claus. Of course, they can't use Santa Claus. The Luciferian Establishment already took Christ out of Christmas and put Santa Claus in His rightful place. (Now this gets complicated here. I hope you have the brains to follow this, because Santa Claus was very clever. He actually was a Saint and had no intention of betraying the holiday in the first place, but I don't want to get off topic here.)"
Well, that damned heckler started going, "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" and his friends started laughing. That's right, laughing. I could barely hold back my temper.
I shouted, "You damn fool! Even an idiot can see that the Zatarain's Rice Man would make the ideal Santa Claus figure for the African-American community. Young people would gleefully await presents from him, while the old folks bemoan the fact that Martin Luther King was taken out of the picture! What are you, brain damaged???"
Note that I did not use the term "negroes" or "coloreds" or "negresses." That police report is a complete fabrication!
Well, it just kept getting worse. Apparently there were some black folks in the crowd that I had not even noticed. Strike two against God's True Patriot. I guess the joke's on me, because I went on to explain how Martin Luther King's Birthday parallels the Satanic holiday of Halloween (Satan's Birthday). I did not say that Martin Luther King is the Devil. I merely stated calmly and rationally that the Illuminati seeks to brainwash us into believing so. I feel awful for the misunderstanding, but I assure you it was just that. I am not a racist. Those Leftist fools twisted my words around!
I simply stated clearly that the Illuminati has been inventing holidays in this country for decades. It only stands to reason that Martin Luther King Day is evil, because it was invented by the evil Illuminati! Common sense makes this perfectly clear. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand this. The Illuminati set the holiday up on January 19th, over two months past Halloween. What does that tell us? Halloween decorations will be cheap. If you don't believe me, you can go to Big Lots and Value City right now. They are still selling Halloween decorations at closeout prices. It's a travesty!
They set it all up so that unknowing people will buy Halloween cake mix and unwittingly celebrate Martin Luther King's Birthday with a Halloween cake. I'm sure you can see the racist implications in this "spook cake" concept. Park Choy and Cecilia sure did. It took me hours to explain how the misunderstanding came about, and ironically only my first wife's son Kevin stood by me on the issue. The Illuminati is racist!
But just try telling that to the Destin Police Department. They held me for 17 hours under bogus charges of "disturbing the peace" and "inciting a riot." I didn't start a riot. It was those damn anarchists in the crowd! All I did was speak the truth and they started throwing things, shouting racist slogans at me. Can you believe that???
It just chills me to the bone that exposure of the Illuminati's racist villainy is called disturbing the "peace" in this Orwellian distopia. If this is peace, what's war like? What's the meaning of spiritual war, when the war is clearly already lost?! Thank God my friend the psychiatrist called, or I'd still be locked up in that hell hole.
The saddest thing about all this is that my book tour is now over. I had planned to head back home tonight anyhow, but this is a sad way for it to end. I don't even know if I'll be able to come back to Destin, what with the multiple restraining orders and the terms of my release.
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