Kevin has pulled one of his "pranks" again. This time he replaced my holy water with vodka, and you can imagine how embarassing it was when that vile liquid burned my throat and I spit a cloud of alcohol-mist in the face of my good friend Sidney Sheldon. Kevin, seeing this, said in a deadpan sarcastic fashion, "What's the matter, Dad, have you turned into a vampire?"



HA HA very funny. I showed him, though. I had some business in Edgerton anyhow, so I took the vodka to Saint Joseph Catholic Church and had the priest there bless it. I returned home at 1800 hours in possession of the world's first 100 proof holy water, which I consumed in full presence of Kevin with some sardines and cream cheese, a dish my mother often prepared for herself and others in the convalescent home, with my friend Sidney Sheldon. The whole while I taunted Kevin, saying, "This holy water sure does pack a kick!" and then Sidney said, "They don't make holy water like they used to!"



This is what medical experts call "reverse psychology." You see, by pretending to enjoy vodka I am discouraging Kevin from ever pulling that stunt again. I tried to explain that to Sunny, but she would hear none of it. She started berating me the moment she came home and found us in that drunken stupor, physically beating me in quick succession. That Korean tongue of hers has never been so furious, nor that tempest of a woman so violent.



Now I admit it was foolish of me, but at the time I was desperate and thought she would forgive me if she only believed the Illuminati had tricked me into doing it. She didn't believe that, though my friend Sidney Sheldon (I feel like I'm repeating myself here, but it is important you realize this was not the famous Sidney Sheldon who instructed Skull & Bones members at Yale and plants hidden messages in Hollywood screenplays -- I'm talking about my friend who has had his work stolen by that heinous fraud for decades)....Now where was I? My friend thought I was really being honest when I said that about the Illuminati, and went into a panic.



Sidney bolted out of his chair, knocking the kitchen table over in the process. His movements were drunkenly clumsy, although he had only consumed half the vodka I had. (Not half the bottle, I mean one-quarter of the bottle -- roughly half as much as I had drunk.)



Well, one thing led to another and we ended up on the floor in a tangled mess of limbs and clothing, Suu Ni beating me with her fists, and Sidney Sheldon crying and wailing about mind control. Kevin laughing like a fool. (I suspect the vodka in my holy water was but a small portion of a larger amount, which Kevin himself drank, but I lack hard evidence).



Then Park Choy came home from work, dropping her purse and screaming in horror at the sight of us.